#4: Boys Town

Starring: Spencer Tracy, Mickey Rooney

Dir: Norman Taurog (1938)

I snatched up this little gem while going through the stacks in clean, alphabetical order, so it was right at the top and as soon as I saw it I could only grit my teeth and say, "Well, might as well get this over with!" Get this, youngsters: Catholic priest founds town for boys and presides there as sole authority over what basically amounts to a sprawling Boy Plantation (orphaned and abandoned only). It may have been an inspiring (and true) tale in 1938, but watching it now is just painful.

The bad and the good:

Bad: Well, priests and boys... and lots of it. And enough hugging, candy, and "there's no such thing as a bad boy"-ing to go around.

Worse: Mickey Rooney, folks!! He barely edged out priest/boychild dynamics for the worst element of this film. It's just... that face! That stubby nose, those beady eyes... the whiny voice, the total lack of charisma! - not to mention the fact that the entire second half of the film is composed of him either crying, pleading, or screaming, composing a veritable ugly buffet. It doesn't do him any favors that his character is despicable, either, but then I've seen abler men scrape some appeal out of worse situations.

Confusing: Spencer Tracy supposedly won an Oscar for this role, and while I love the good man and his work, I just plain can't see why. The only word I have for this entire movie, including his performance, is underwhelming. Good thing you can't take those back! Long gone are the days when the sympathetic Oscars are handed out to inspiring portrayals of upstanding men of the Church... nowadays the accolades are reserved more for Satan's Alley-type shenanigans.

Finally, good: This one's easy! My favorite part of Boys Town was the thundering rendition of "Fairest Lord Jesus" that not only heralded the commencement of this fine piece of cinema, but was reprised during every scenes of any significance, including (near-)deaths, chases, and the occasional victory procession. Also not to be missed is its seamless transition into an even more thundering "Drink to Me Only With Thine Eyes." Confused? I guess the producers were restricted to the public domain. Darn.

Stars: 2 of 5