Dir: Howard Hawks (1944)
Almost every scene of this movie made me feel like I was a little kid back at my grandma's house, watching Baby & Bogey movies taped off the television with my sisters. It was some potent nostalgia, folks - I almost put a pillow over my face when they started kissing, but then I remembered I'm not five.
Well. It's worth asking: What's changed since then?
Looks like it's just The Maltese Falcon all over again, guys. This movie is full of sex and I had no idea. (See also: Much Ado About Nothing -- and that was a damn near critical plot point, too.)
Harry Morgan (Humphrey Bogart) makes a living on the island of Martinique renting out a fishing boat he runs with his super-alcoholic buddy Eddy (Walter Brennan), and when they're hard up for cash Harry reluctantly takes a super-dangerous job for the French resistance and things get all kinds of problematic. Slim (Lauren Bacall) moves into the same hotel and she isn't exactly a prostitute but she sort of dabbles, and she comes on to Harry like hella hard, and basically this movie is stressful and the fat French policeman is HORRIBLE and I can't tell if it's because he is a horrible actor or if overall he is just HORRIBLE anyway (I just re-watched some scenes and that accent is like a parody of itself. It must be a combination of both), but anyway what I care about more is Bogey and Bacall, and let me just say LOTS of cigarettes (remember?) and LOTS of awesomeness. And Bogey totally pistol-whips a bitch.
But, distracting screencaps!
|"See that? It broke as easy as you will."|
|Slim: "Give her my love."|
Harry: "I'd give her my own if she had that on."
I'll let you explore that hypothetical situation on your own. Don't be surprised if you dissolve in a pool of disappointment and nausea.
Stars: 4 of 5 at least for quality but 5 out of 5 for how much it stresses me out.