Thursday, June 16, 2011

#26: The Mark of Zorro

Starring: Douglas Fairbanks, Marguerite de la Motte
Dir: Fred Niblo (1922)

Okay, so here's the thing about Douglas Fairbanks.
Like, where to begin. Sort of short, sort of slouches, really bad hair (in this movie anyway), sort of round face with a sort of fat chin thing going on? Also, cheesy drawn-on mustache. Also, I've seen Antonio Banderas do this shit and he's, like, a comparative ten out of ten.
So riddle-me-this.
HOW does this short odd man manage to accomplish enough swashbuckling, hat-chewing, over-wall-leaping, and scarf trickery in a 90-minute period to capture my heart? HOW IS'T DONE? HOW IS'T ACCOMPLISHED? HOW IS THE LOFTY BARRICADE 'ROUND MY LOVE SCALED AND VANQUISHED BY A SMALL MAN WHO JUMPS HIGH?

Nevermind, 'twas done.

The first half of the movie was kind of slow, there were lots of natives being done wrong by the creepy Count of Something, this uptight Lolita beezy was all like "NO LE TOUCHE PAS" and Zorro was pretending not to be Zorro. But then a little ways in it started to get exciting - he was fighting people and being chased around and leaping high and twirling and thrusting and winning my love, et cetera. And he had to pretend to be this boring, awful nobleman who was always taking naps in the middle of the day (SUCH a turn-off, unless you knew he was just scuttling through the grandfather clock to go be Zorro instead) and doing obnoxious tricks with his hat. Not gonna lie, the love interest in this movie was like no big deal. But watching him mess with her was worth it.
And by the end, like I said, I was even jealous to see her get to do this.

Bad: All the scenes that didn't involve fighting and running and swashing and buckling were kinda whatever, and his love interest was a snooty little butt. I mean, I get that that creepy dude was totally imposing himself on her virtue or whatever, but she didn't have to be such a RUDE GUSS about it. Even if Zorro-pretending-not-to-be-Zorro was pretending not to care... I mean, he SO totally did! He just couldn't give himself away and jeopardize the fate California! Whatevs.
Good: Hugely relieved that I can like Douglas Fairbanks. (JUST WAIT UNTIL TALKIES OMG.) Because he jumps and swings and flies and flips and that shit has worked on me since I was knee-high to a grape watching Frank in Seven Brides... yeah, nbd.

Stars: 3.5 of 5 (because it gets better...)

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