Dir: Robert Alton (1950)
Booooooo the Esther Williams vehicle! She was MGM's top star at one point perhaps, but it's no mystery why her movies didn't stand the test of time like others'. Too much time spent trying to make her water ballets moderately plausible plot-wise (thank god for the "dream sequence" cop-out) and not enough time writing decent songs for the AMAZINGLY TALENTED AND WONDERFUL Howard Keel to sing!!
Good: (Note: I've been flipping the bad/good order back and forth, but this deserves to end on "bad.") Obviously Howard Keel. I watched this movie with my grandmother, who also is in love with HK (and Dana Andrews, too -- it must be genetic!), so we suffered proudly through all 80 minutes in his name alone. This was my first time seeing Howard shirtless - kudos to this movie for including a scene with him in Dr. N0-esque short-shorts, biking and singing on a beach. What a stud!
Bad: The music was HORRIBLE. Also, they spent too much money on Esther's swimsuits and not enough on Howard's wardrobe - he spent 99% of the movie in the same stupid linen suit. Come on!! Also, the poor (attractive) man had to play a totally unattractive character... what a waste. The plot was fluffy and lame, half the Islanders were white boys with bronzer (remind anyone of West Side Story?), and Rita Moreno didn't even get to dance! Ugh.
Summary: I should be fair and say that Esther Williams' acting was not as bad as I'd expected. She was kind of endearing and pretty and all that, and she played her character well (an unaffected, easygoing island girl-type), but I just kept remembering how obnoxious she was in her autobiography. (So I only read like fifty pages, but still, she had a monster ego. Hard to ignore.) Plus I kind of felt like her biceps kept punching me in the eye with their hugeness...
Overall - an interesting, kitschy relic of moving Esther cheesecake. If only Howard had been given the same treatment.
Stars: 1.5 of 5
*my OCD self has to admit that I saw this before That Touch of Mink, but forgot to post both until today and did them in the wrong order... so chronologically this is actually #12. okay crazy self out.
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