Wednesday, November 16, 2011

#33*: Mildred Pierce

Starring: Joan Crawford, Jack Carson, Zachary Scott, Ann Blyth
Dir: Michael Curtiz (1945)

I was working up to this! I know it's a classic, but I'm scared of Joan Crawford.
Main character Mildred, played by Joan Crawford, is a stay-at-home mom whose two daughters are her only joy in life. When her husband leaves her for another woman and forces her to make her own way in his absence, Mildred finds work as a waitress to provide for her children. Her younger daughter Kay is a tomboy, cheerful and helpful, obviously destined for a tragic end. (THANKS, MOVIES.) Older daughter Veda is pretty and spoiled and longs to be a social success, whatever that means. (Class is a big theme in this movie. The Pierces are lower class, struggling to fit into the upper class. This causes misery. Life lessons here, my peeps!) Mildred lavishes gifts and dance lessons and everything she can afford on Veda, who is growing precocious and soon insists that her mother's offerings aren't good enough. Mildred, being sort of pathetically devoted, decides to feel ashamed and try harder rather than smack that ungrateful mouth.
Fortunately for Veda, Mildred is busting her buns and soon finds herself in a position to open her own restaurant. She winds up buying some property from wealthy bachelor Monte Beragon, a shmoozy guy in white pants who winds up seducing her ("HEY, NICE LEGS") and making her feel young and pretty again. Business is booming! Life seems to be looking up for Mildred! She buys more and more gifts for Veda. At this particular moment Kay gets pneumonia and dies, and the Pierce's divorce is finalized. This is what we like to call "a clusterfuck."
Veda interlude: Veda is a crazy little ho. She is ashamed of her working-class family and longs to Escape into Society. As soon as Mommy is all busy and distracted Veda runs off and marries a wealthy boy that she doesn't love JUST BECAUSE HE IS WEALTHY. (Ho.) Then, rather than stay with him (and he seems nice!), she demands a divorce, claims she is pregnant, and takes the poor boy for $10,000. Mildred steps in and tears up the check, knowing Veda is lying about the baby. Veda says some horrible things ("You're poor and ugly and I hate you"), Mildred slaps her, they both cry, and Mildred says GET OUTTA MY HOUSE. So Veda is kicked out and gets to sing in nightclubs for a few years. Yay!
End Veda interlude.
Since all this happens rather fast, Mildred recuperates with a vacay in Mexico while Veda plays a poor man's Carmen Miranda with her fancy voice lessons. When Mommy comes back she decides she wants Veda again, so she makes a deal with Monte to marry him - giving him one third of the business in exchange - in order to give Veda the home life she's always longed for. Bad idea, Mildred. Monte's a perv, what, you don't have that sixth sense for perverts like all women were born with?!?! Whatever, it works, Veda makes a tearful return to her mother and things seem on the up-and-up.
PERV.
**THIS IS THE PART WHERE I GIVE AWAY THE ENDING**
One night some time later Mildred is held up at work arguing with her creditors. Monte has been bleeding the restaurant franchise dry with his expensive lifestyle and his... creepy... doting on Veda. When she returns home from this meeting, Mildred finds Veda and Monte alone. K-i-s-s-i-n-g. It is GROSS, and I would screencap it for you only I mailed the DVD back to Netflix yesterday. It's just... Veda looks like a 12-year-old. Not okay.
Even the internet doesn't have it.
Mildred is disgusted and Veda wastes no time launching into her "Well now you know, he only stayed with you to get to me anyway, blah blah blah, I can't believe you thought anyone would love you, we're going to get married, p.s. you're still poor" rant. Mildred leaves. Monte turns around and is like, "Um, I'm not marrying you" and Veda flips a cow and shoots him.
The movie ends with Veda begging her mother to cover for her to the police so she can flee JUSTICE. JUSTICE, VEDA. Fortunately, Mommy Dearest has a brief moment of Um Fuck No and Veda is sent to jail. Outside the courthouse Mildred is met by her (sympathetic?) ex-husband and the movie fades out with the reassurance that they will make a life together again.

Stars: 4 of 5 for quality, 3 of 5 for re-watchability

*I watched this before TGNM, but posted in reverse. Anal-retentive me demands accurate numbering.

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