#25: Beyond the Rocks

SILENT FILM ATTACK!
Starring: Gloria Swanson, Rudolph Valentino
Dir: Sam Wood (1922)

Beyond the Rocks is a story of a sex god and a short woman who meet once and quickly part, meet again years later - it's kismet! - so the short woman douses herself with some flowery perfume that becomes like their little code thing and the sex god is so overcome that he passionately kisses her teeny little hands and... actually that part looks pretty fun -- and includes a big heavily costumed dream/storytelling interlude -- but then they are torn apart again (this time by a man with see-through eyes), so they are damned to gaze longingly and sigh deeply and write each other letters in their desperation, wait until the ugly man dies, and then FINALLY end up together forever - consciences clean - in the desert! Huzzah! (Note to self: Try watching Beyond the Rocks and The Sheik back to back. Could be awesome.)

Pictured above is a moment of potent silent chemistry (courtesy of a truly awesome Tumblr). See how the film melts and bubbles? Because their love is SO HOT.
That also tends to happen when a movie attempts to contain the heat of RUDOLPH EFFING VALENTINO OH MY GOD.

Sorry.
Anyway, the story isn't that great. When it starts and you're reading the titles it's all promising romance novel fare, like little Theodora Fitzgerald is trapped in a loveless marriage to a gross old dude and then there's the dashing Lord Bracondale (of non-threatening Italian lineage) trotting up and when Theodora falls out of a boat  he saves her and she smells like narcissus and it's so PHYSICAL and ROMANTIC. But then it really gets rolling and it's just pretty melodramatic. I think if there had been a little comedy to go along, I would have enjoyed it more. Or if Rudy spent more time climbing out of the sea. But altogether it forms kind of an over-rich romantic confection with a gross nougat-y moral at the center, definitely not how the movie would have been done today, where the beautiful young wife remains faithful to her old and ugly husband because she knows it's the Right Thing to Do, despite the dark and handsome and romantic and wonderful and smoking hot oh my god make me stop and he's Italian and he wears tails and he jumps selflessly into raging seas and scales tall mountains and he looks soooooooo gooooooooooood guy trying to steal her heart. So, basically implausible. Also, SPOILER ALERT (not really), I have watched a few more Gloria Swanson and Rudolph Valentino movies since this and know they can be MUCH more compelling.
Not like Rudy is ever, you know, not worth watching. Or something. At all. Like, he's pretty much always good. For some reason... I don't know...

Bad: Boring. Ugly husband has see-through eyes. And they're all setting him up to be a villain and then in the end he's just like "Self-sacrificing, OMG I love you so much, I want you to be happy! IN THE DESERT!" Also, G-Swanson's clothes are soups unflattering. Except maybe the backless dress when they're staying at the manor-type place? But it doesn't make up.
Good: Rudolph Valentino was in this, did I mention that? And he wore SPATS and TAILS and his name was LORD BRACONDALE and he CLIMBED MOUNTAINS in his frickin CASUAL GOLF ATTIRE. Sooooohhghhhhhhmmmmmmmmmm.

Stars: 3 of 5

#24: The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit

Starring: Gregory Peck, Fredric March, Jennifer Jones
Dir: Nunnally Johnson (1956)

Bad: Long
Good: Intense! Gregory! Mad Men!
Stars: 3.5 of 5 - 4 really for quality, but deducting .5 for length

#23: Hud

Starring: Paul Newman, Patricia Neal, Brandon de Wilde
Dir: Martin Ritt (1963)

Well this movie was good. I don't know how actors I really really really want to like can make me hate them. Paul Newman was successfully GROSS in this movie, and while the sight of him did make me put my dishtowel down more than once, he was such a jerk in the end that I just couldn't like him at all. He was every horrible guy ever. And God bless Patricia Neal for resisting him!

If this came into your room... would you punch it?

(For some reason I thought he was going to die? [Spoiler alert: He doesn't.] Oh well.)
Bad: The dad/granddad character seemed kinda cardboard and was completely uninteresting until the very end when he got really mad after he shot the longhorns. That was okay.
Good: Patricia Neal! SUCH a freaking badass. Her accent was patchy but apart from that I just really loved her, her bare feet, and her smartassery... and how much of a babe she was for resisting Hud. Just... something I couldn't do. Be proud, Pat.
Also good: Brandon de Wilde! He was kind of intriguing to watch, which is more than be said for Shane. Like, the entire movie. But in Hud I really liked him. I couldn't exactly figure him out. Plus he was cute in a blonde, silent kind of way.
Still good, or, Obviously the best: Pig catching.
Just...
Paul Newman.
Chasing pigs.
Yup.

Also I loved the look of this movie. It was filmed in black and white in the sixties, which is kind of interesting. Here are some pretty pictures -

singing

(I love the way they move around in this scene)

Hi. Hi studs. Hi.

Summary: Fine! Long, depressing, but fine... soooooo.... so... *ahem.* Fine.
Stars: 3.5 of 5

The Bolero

Dir. William Fertik, 1973.
Favorite composer, favorite conductor, neat little package...

#22: The Pirate

Starring: Gene Kelly and Judy Garland
Dir: Vincente Minnelli (1948)

Um. Oh my. Um, where... where was this movi--(pardon)--WHERE WAS THIS MOVIE WHEN I WAS A HORMONAL TEENAGER?? WHERE?!? MY SOUL IS CRYING. GENE KELLY IN TIGHTY PIRATE CUTOFFS. ENTIRE YEARS WASTED. AN OCEAN OF REGRET! SO MUCH TO MAKE UP FOR!! HE EATS THE FREAKING CIGARETTE!!!!!!
First, let me just say, I'd always heard that this was one of MGM's biggest musical flops. I'd heard it was a box-office wreck. And having seen a few truly horrible musicals in my time (*cough*Athena*cough*), I thought it was best to be avoided. Besides, Gene Kelly with a mustache. But DAMN ALL OF YOU WHO LIED TO ME. DAMN YOU TO HADES!!
This movie was ADORABLE. It was hilarious and fantastic and not too long and the best kind of ridiculous and soooooooo incredibly cute. Okay so the musical numbers were horrendous (apart from the dancing) and I definitely expected more from Cole Porter, but the rest of the movie more than made up for that. Gene Kelly and Judy Garland were surprisingly endearing together, and watching Serafin scream his passionate declarations as Manuela stomped flat-footedly around her boudoir yowling like a banshee was easily one of my new most favorite movie moments, to be added to the mental list along with William Holden and Nancy Olson flirting on the edge of the bathtub in Sunset Boulevard. (I seriously need to make an actual list of these.)

I would be lying though if I didn't say that, apart from the obvious moneymakers like Tighty Pirate Cutoffs Dance, the real charm of this movie was Judy and Gene. The heart of their romance wasn't beautiful ballads and fifteen-minute Technicolor ballet sequences, it was screeching and throwing furniture and double-crossing and jittery, mustached attraction (respectively). And they were actually kind of believable.

I have no idea what the actors' relationship was like off set, but every shot of this movie looked like fun. I can never watch Singin' in the Rain without imagining Debbie Reynolds' bleeding feet, so I'd rather not look into the real story behind the scenes of The Pirate (Edit: I did. Wish I hadn't. Oh well), but just on the surface this movie seemed much more relaxed. Gene carried most of the big song and dance numbers, and Judy mainly had to sing (which was her thing anyway) and be funny. It worked. For some reason, watching it all felt like being in on the huge, over-budgeted musical parody.

Bad: The songs. Especially "Nina." I mean, if it wasn't for Gene's cigarette maneuver, just, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.
Good: I always love Judy Garland as a comedienne. And... Gene Kelly is a fox.

'Nuff said.

Stars: 4.5 of 5

#21: Mr. Smith Goes to Washington

Starring: Jimmy Stewart, Jean Arthur
Dir: Frank Capra (1939)

Well, I finally saw it. I've checked it out from the library probably two dozen times but I finally went through with it last night and what can I say, it was pretty much what I expected -- patriotic and corny and Capra, but of course totally lovable and wonderful too, and despite the corniness I kind of had to be like "Yeah but that's right..." 

Just a couple weird things - I feel like every background character actor from every movie I've ever seen was in this: Guy Kibbe, for one, and then the fat "I want my breakfast!" man from The Lady Eve and Robin Hood, and the mean guy who bossed Shirley Temple in Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm and the sad pharmacist from It's a Wonderful Life, and then I recognized Diz, too, but I'm not sure from what. Anyway. In addition I felt that for a movie that ran over two hours, it was awfully rushed most of the time. It was always flitting from scene to scene, apart from the really juicy moments with most of Jeff's speech-making. It was actually kind of distracting.

The bad: Cute kids! I just don't think old movie cute kids are cute, end of story. Always too many freckles and not enough front teeth and too much Boys Town.

The good: Oh Jean Arthur, for crying out loud! Love of my life! And the fact that her character goes by her last name is just so badass! Also Jimmy Stewart being all mussy-haired and hometown-y and noble and tall and cute and dropping his hat all over and saying endearing things to his secretary, gaaaah I just melt right down to my toes! I love him always, so I can put up with any cheesy plot if he's at the sweet center of it, even if he does have scrawny knees.

Overall: I actually got a little riled toward the end, like I was really mad at the evil senator and the evil newspaper man. And while the movie was pretty cheesy in sum, I liked the message behind it and the leading man in it... and that's pretty much all I have to say about that.

Stars: 3.5 of 5, deducting 1.5 because it's undeniably cheesy and despite my love of a certain kind of schmaltz I am really a cynical person at heart.

some that fell through the cracks (nos. 17-20)

Pat and Mike

Anchors Aweigh

Fallen Angel

Brigadoon