#10: The Ox-Bow Incident

Starring: Henry Fonda, Dana Andrews, that nostril guy from State Fair

Dir: William Wellman (1943)

Bad: I have a hard time with Westerns, I really do. This one was mercifully short. I guess I wasn't in the mood for what it offered: I didn't like the THESE CHARACTERS ARE SYMPATHETIC and THESE CHARACTERS ARE UNSYMPATHETIC heavy-handedness, or how predictable the ending was, or how awkward it was to see Dana Andrews emoting, or how the movie decided to teach me a lesson. I didn't feel like being taught a lesson, I felt like tangling my fingers in Dana's hair (or Anthony's eyelashes. Mmmm).

Good: Dana & Dana's hair, Anthony & Anthony's eyelashes... Also, Henry Fonda was better by the end than he promised at first. I liked the quiet scenes between him and Harry Morgan. There were a lot of surprisingly artsy shots and those were kind of fun to see.

Summary: I really enjoyed certain scenes here and there, but overall I think it did itself a disservice by being so social commentary-y (although at the time it must have been more progressive than it looks today) (I understand that it was based on a book but I don't feel like looking that up). Hmm. It just was not the type of movie I usually like to see, so I had to put up with some stuff to get through it.

Favorite scene by far was Henry Fonda drinking on horseback and making those weird faces. So good.

Stars: 2.5 of 5

#9: Spellbound

Starring: Gregory Peck, Ingrid Bergman

Dir: Alfred Hitchcock (1945)

I'm allowing the giant picture because it takes in the great scope of Gregory Peck's attractiveness best.

Bad: Nothing bad really. It's not my favorite Hitchcock so far, I found the score was occasionally louder than the dialogue (though that could have been my tape), and it ran a wee bit longer than I liked. Also, I didn't like Ingrid Bergman in this, which makes me sad to say, as I usually like her very much. Well I envied her bathrobe at least, even if it was problematic. Who on earth wears tailored robes anymore??

Good: First and most importantly, Gregory Peck was the most mind-bogglingly attractive in this movie as I've ever seen him (second only, perhaps, to Duel in the Sun..!). I liked the ending - satisfying enough, since I wasn't bothering to think ahead and discover the murderer for myself. Many of the shots were wonderfully fun, like the suspenseful scene between J.B. and Dr. Brulov (to the doctor! back to the razor! to the kitchen! to the razor! to the doctor! to the RAZOR!!) and its culmination which drowns the viewer in a glass of milk. Honestly that was my favorite shot in the entire movie, going "Are we going to --? Yes we are! Drowned in a glass of milk!" I was expecting something like "Oh dear, the whiteness of the milk crowding his vision is going to make him crazy," and that was probably what I was meant to think, but that's what makes it so clever.

Summary: I liked this movie a good deal. There wasn't fantastic chemistry, no really great dialogue worth remembering*, the story was eh (others can explain the silliness of the old psychoanalytic school), and I may not watch it again anytime soon - but for a first-time, one-time view movie, it was engaging and excellent fun.

*except -

Ballantine: "Will you love me this much when I'm 'normal'?"

Petersen: "I'll be insane about you."

Stars: 3.5 of 5

#8: An Affair to Remember

Starring: Cary Grant, Deborah Kerr

Dir: Leo McKarey (1957)

And here I was thinking that Sleepless in Seattle could ruin this classic love story for me! So maybe I knew how it was going to end, but still - you can't overestimate the awesomeness of this story. Similar to my recent newfound appreciation for Joel McCrea, this movie made Deborah Kerr work for me. (It's difficult to like any woman who gets with Yul Brynner right in front of you.) And Cary Grant - well, there was never any trouble with him. Lord Almighty.

Bad: I wish I could say nothing, but I am bound to honesty. I was not a fan of either rendition of "Tomorrow-Land," and the whole children's chorus thing got way too much play. Maybe I am also a little tired of the "Let's Consult the Sharp-Eyed Old Lady Full of Wisdom and Matchmaking Inclinations" movie cliche, but that was only one scene (albeit an important one) in the midst of an epically wonderful movie that I otherwise loved every moment of.

Good: The chemistry. The way they met. The brief scene where she's leaving the dining hall just as he goes in, so she tells him to try the bouillabaisse and he just says "Oh, shut up." I loved all the sentimentality, the title song, their stubbornness, and how easy it was to turn Nick from a devil-may-care playboy into a deeply feeling and goodhearted potential husband. I loved how Terry was always able to laugh at herself. I loved how you didn't feel bad for her jilted ex because he was incredibly attractive in his own right and would probably end up happy with someone else. I just loved it.

Summary: An excellent movie for when you're feeling unapologetically romantic, or any time you want to feel the heartache without suffering the unhappy ending.

Stars: 5 of 5

#7: The More the Merrier

Starring: Jean Arthur, Joel McCrea, Charles Coburn

Dir: George Stevens (1943)

FINALLY. Kat has been yammering about this movie for as long as I can remember and I know I've never had a good enough reason for letting it go unseen, but the curse is lifted at last!, as is my lifelong apathy towards Joel McCrea. Forgive me for letting it get this far.

Bad: Despite the many endearing characters he's played, Charles Coburn has always looked like a creepy little pig to me. I found that distracting for the first half of the movie, but then JM came in to shine and I had more important things to think about.

Good: My conversion to the Cult of Joel McCrea Love can be pinpointed to the moment that he started snarking at Charles Coburn. I love a snarky man, especially one who can do a little shimmy-one-two-step when he likes. Not to be neglected is the lovely Jean Arthur, who is one of the only leading ladies I've ever seen (besides Deanna Durbin) who has a booty! Her dancing alone in her bedroom was one of my favorite movie moments.

Summary: It was adorable. It was funny, clever, full of banter and some of the best screen chemistry of all time. Plus, any movie with a scene like this deserves credit for something:

I rest my case.

Stars: 4.5 of 5

#6: Of Human Bondage

Starring: Bette Davis, Leslie Howard

Dir: John Cromwell (1934)

Let's keep this one short and sweet for the good of all concerned.

The bad and the good -

Bad: Let me sum up the bulk of Bette Davis' acting for you.

"WELL OI AIN'T SUCH A BAD GULL AM OI?? [wiggle wiggle] AN' OI DAN'T MOIND IF YA TAKE ME TEH THE THEATA [eye roll] BUT OI AIN'T GONNA KISS YA GADNAAAAAAHHHTTTT!! [wiggle]"

Good: Leslie Howard has a pretty face.

Summary: I vastly prefer Howard's treatment of the cockney urchin in Pygmalion. Of Human Bondage felt like being tied to a chair and having my eyeballs hammered unceasingly for an hour and twenty minutes. Good thing the most forgiving of guardian angels appear to have ushered Bette safely through such low points in her career... if not, we may never have had Baby Jane. And with that we may all say a short prayer of thanks, and good-night.

Stars:

-1,000 of 5

#5: The African Queen

Starring: Humphrey Bogart, Katharine Hepburn

Dir: John Huston (1951)

Now I may be technically cheating with this one since I'm fairly sure I saw bits of it when I was small (and it's also technically not a old-timey black & white), but something about The African Queen's classic status convinced the anal-retentive part of my brain that appears to be driving this project (e.g. MICKEY ROONEY MOVIE) that passing it up would be just another kind of cheating, but far more grave. Still, whatever I'd seen of the movie in childhood only left a memory of dread and depression, so I approached the viewing with some anxiety. "Doesn't he die in the end??" I asked Katherine worriedly. She insisted that he didn't, but then again Kat likes to make people suffer by doing things the Right Way, and may have been lying on principle so as not to spoil the ending. I had no confidence.

Oh well.
Turned out the one who died was the homely yet sympathetic brother figure, and while I'm all for feeling sad about that, HUMPHREY MAKES IT OUT OKAY. And that's what I really care about, so, it's safe to watch this movie now!

The bad and the good:

Bad: Well, basically nothing, right?? I mean, maybe some of the score isn't that great, but who's paying attention to the music with everything else going on? Also, watching this movie made me feel like I was swatting away a horde of invisible flies. And like I needed to take a shower. But I guess that was atmosphere.

Good: Everything else!! Katharine Hepburn uses all her old standards - the gangliness, awkwardness, the wobbly chin, the superiority, and the insulted crying - while portraying a character that is obnoxious, frigid, lovable, and hilarious all at once (soooo Kat Hepburn, only a prude). Humphrey Bogart stops being hard-boiled and hams it up as Charlie with the greasy neckerchief and filthy hands. Seriously, it's almost awkward watching him do this after years of tough detective roles, but with a little concentration it all comes together. He's a wonderful character with terrible habits and yet the bravest and most chivalrous spirit imaginable. The movie is all about watching a relationship develop between unlikely people who are basically cross-sections of Bogie and Kate. What I love best about that is how the two people who should reasonably only be bringing out the worst in each other -and they do, for quite a while - end by bringing out the very best, even qualities buried so deeply that we would never have imagined them capable of possessing them, right up to the point of (SPOILER ALERT NOBODY DIES) self-sacrifice. True love, my peeps. Reading Kat Hepburn's book on the making of TAQ, I could believe that their real-life relationship was like this - minus the true love, of course (did you know Lauren Bacall stayed with Bogie on location in Africa? And was a total boss about it? And apparently wandered around makeup-free and glamorous, doing things like cooking for people and just ingratiating herself to everyone, and Katharine Hepburn was hopelessly jealous and freckled-feeling and prickly and used to journal crankily about it? AM I RIGHT LADIES) - in that they complemented each other by being nearly opposites in a few ways but identical in essentials: disciplined, principled, talented, and smart. With a big streak of respectful snark and a love of hard work.

The African Queen is a perfect combination of comedy, adventure, and drama, which while sounding like a cliche is actually a remarkable achievement when you really watch it. Only two actors, a tiny boat, and some intimidating scenery. Lots of squeamish moments, like getting chest-deep into filthy water and almost dying and having to pee in front of a strange man. It's really not the sort of thing you should like to see.
But if you don't, you're an idiot.

'Nuff said.

Stars: 5 of 5

#4: Boys Town

Starring: Spencer Tracy, Mickey Rooney

Dir: Norman Taurog (1938)

I snatched up this little gem while going through the stacks in clean, alphabetical order, so it was right at the top and as soon as I saw it I could only grit my teeth and say, "Well, might as well get this over with!" Get this, youngsters: Catholic priest founds town for boys and presides there as sole authority over what basically amounts to a sprawling Boy Plantation (orphaned and abandoned only). It may have been an inspiring (and true) tale in 1938, but watching it now is just painful.

The bad and the good:

Bad: Well, priests and boys... and lots of it. And enough hugging, candy, and "there's no such thing as a bad boy"-ing to go around.

Worse: Mickey Rooney, folks!! He barely edged out priest/boychild dynamics for the worst element of this film. It's just... that face! That stubby nose, those beady eyes... the whiny voice, the total lack of charisma! - not to mention the fact that the entire second half of the film is composed of him either crying, pleading, or screaming, composing a veritable ugly buffet. It doesn't do him any favors that his character is despicable, either, but then I've seen abler men scrape some appeal out of worse situations.

Confusing: Spencer Tracy supposedly won an Oscar for this role, and while I love the good man and his work, I just plain can't see why. The only word I have for this entire movie, including his performance, is underwhelming. Good thing you can't take those back! Long gone are the days when the sympathetic Oscars are handed out to inspiring portrayals of upstanding men of the Church... nowadays the accolades are reserved more for Satan's Alley-type shenanigans.

Finally, good: This one's easy! My favorite part of Boys Town was the thundering rendition of "Fairest Lord Jesus" that not only heralded the commencement of this fine piece of cinema, but was reprised during every scenes of any significance, including (near-)deaths, chases, and the occasional victory procession. Also not to be missed is its seamless transition into an even more thundering "Drink to Me Only With Thine Eyes." Confused? I guess the producers were restricted to the public domain. Darn.

Stars: 2 of 5