#13: Pagan Love Song

Starring: Esther Williams, Howard Keel

Dir: Robert Alton (1950)

Booooooo the Esther Williams vehicle! She was MGM's top star at one point perhaps, but it's no mystery why her movies didn't stand the test of time like others'. Too much time spent trying to make her water ballets moderately plausible plot-wise (thank god for the "dream sequence" cop-out) and not enough time writing decent songs for the AMAZINGLY TALENTED AND WONDERFUL Howard Keel to sing!!

Good: (Note: I've been flipping the bad/good order back and forth, but this deserves to end on "bad.") Obviously Howard Keel. I watched this movie with my grandmother, who also is in love with HK (and Dana Andrews, too -- it must be genetic!), so we suffered proudly through all 80 minutes in his name alone. This was my first time seeing Howard shirtless - kudos to this movie for including a scene with him in Dr. N0-esque short-shorts, biking and singing on a beach. What a stud!

Bad: The music was HORRIBLE. Also, they spent too much money on Esther's swimsuits and not enough on Howard's wardrobe - he spent 99% of the movie in the same stupid linen suit. Come on!! Also, the poor (attractive) man had to play a totally unattractive character... what a waste. The plot was fluffy and lame, half the Islanders were white boys with bronzer (remind anyone of West Side Story?), and Rita Moreno didn't even get to dance! Ugh.

Summary: I should be fair and say that Esther Williams' acting was not as bad as I'd expected. She was kind of endearing and pretty and all that, and she played her character well (an unaffected, easygoing island girl-type), but I just kept remembering how obnoxious she was in her autobiography. (So I only read like fifty pages, but still, she had a monster ego. Hard to ignore.) Plus I kind of felt like her biceps kept punching me in the eye with their hugeness...

Overall - an interesting, kitschy relic of moving Esther cheesecake. If only Howard had been given the same treatment.

Stars: 1.5 of 5

*my OCD self has to admit that I saw this before That Touch of Mink, but forgot to post both until today and did them in the wrong order... so chronologically this is actually #12. okay crazy self out.

#12: That Touch of Mink

Starring: Cary Grant, Doris Day

Dir: Delbert Mann (1962)

Hoorah! Kat told me when I checked out this movie that it was terrible and the stars had no chemistry and Cary Grant was too old, but she was WRONG! I loved it. It was that perfect blend of sexy and not sexy that only a movie starring Doris Day opposite a man can produce.

Good: Can we just say once and for all that Cary Grant's sex appeal does NOT have an expiration date?? Thank you! Ooh: I have a theory too that some of Cary Grant's lines/actions are ad-libbed in this movie, because there were a few scenes where he would say something bizarre and funny exactly before a fade out. I don't know... some of his comments just didn't seem scripted. Kat noticed it too (like when he throws a candy to Gig Young and teases him - "Why don't you take the wrapper off first. There, it's better that way, isn't it?"). I also loved all the little dirty jokes and innuendos (minus some of the painfully dated jabs at homosexuals) because they were adorable.

Cathy: "Oh, I love sunken baths! You'd always find me in it! -- ...I didn't mean it like that -"

Philip: "I know you didn't. But let's not rule out the possibility."

Bad: Okay, so they didn't have fantastic sexual chemistry. But they looked like they were having fun at least!

Summary: It was bubbly and energetic and full of virginal Doris and playboy Cary and all the wonderful things in life - even a sneaky joke about her marrying Rock Hudson! So what's not to LOVE??

Stars: 4 of 5

#11: Boomerang!

Starring: Dana Andrews

Dir: Elia Kazan (1947)

So I watched this a while ago and have been too lazy to post it on here, shame on me! I remember liking it... I think...

Good: I liked it! It had Dana Andrews in it...

No, to be fair, I just liked it. I liked watching him interact with his wife even though it was kind of laughable because everyone knows he's married to me. But, you know, they pay him to act, so - well done, Dana.

It was interesting to see him be all caught up in this moral dilemma because I'm more used to seeing him brooding about something. I guess this follows the Ox-Bow trend of making me slightly uncomfortable with him - I'm used to seeing him play characters with a bit of an edge, not Wholesome Through-and-Through types. As far as the film overall, though... I'm generally a fan of legal dramas so I enjoyed that aspect of it. Also, despite the fact that the internet has nothing on it, I am ONE HUNDRED PERCENT POSITIVE that Arthur Kennedy is Donald Sutherland's father. They look exactly the same. I will prove this one day if it takes everything I have.

Bad: Eh nothing.

Summary: So obviously it wasn't that memorable, which is kind of my bad because I'm forgetful and also partly due to the fact that the movie isn't very exciting. A lot happens and I guess it's dramatic, but it didn't really make an impression... at least on me.

(Minus Dana Andrews and everything he ever says or does. I mean, I do kind of notice that sort of thing automatically.)

Stars: 2.5 of 5, rounding up to 3 in all scenes including Dana

#10: The Ox-Bow Incident

Starring: Henry Fonda, Dana Andrews, that nostril guy from State Fair

Dir: William Wellman (1943)

Bad: I have a hard time with Westerns, I really do. This one was mercifully short. I guess I wasn't in the mood for what it offered: I didn't like the THESE CHARACTERS ARE SYMPATHETIC and THESE CHARACTERS ARE UNSYMPATHETIC heavy-handedness, or how predictable the ending was, or how awkward it was to see Dana Andrews emoting, or how the movie decided to teach me a lesson. I didn't feel like being taught a lesson, I felt like tangling my fingers in Dana's hair (or Anthony's eyelashes. Mmmm).

Good: Dana & Dana's hair, Anthony & Anthony's eyelashes... Also, Henry Fonda was better by the end than he promised at first. I liked the quiet scenes between him and Harry Morgan. There were a lot of surprisingly artsy shots and those were kind of fun to see.

Summary: I really enjoyed certain scenes here and there, but overall I think it did itself a disservice by being so social commentary-y (although at the time it must have been more progressive than it looks today) (I understand that it was based on a book but I don't feel like looking that up). Hmm. It just was not the type of movie I usually like to see, so I had to put up with some stuff to get through it.

Favorite scene by far was Henry Fonda drinking on horseback and making those weird faces. So good.

Stars: 2.5 of 5

#9: Spellbound

Starring: Gregory Peck, Ingrid Bergman

Dir: Alfred Hitchcock (1945)

I'm allowing the giant picture because it takes in the great scope of Gregory Peck's attractiveness best.

Bad: Nothing bad really. It's not my favorite Hitchcock so far, I found the score was occasionally louder than the dialogue (though that could have been my tape), and it ran a wee bit longer than I liked. Also, I didn't like Ingrid Bergman in this, which makes me sad to say, as I usually like her very much. Well I envied her bathrobe at least, even if it was problematic. Who on earth wears tailored robes anymore??

Good: First and most importantly, Gregory Peck was the most mind-bogglingly attractive in this movie as I've ever seen him (second only, perhaps, to Duel in the Sun..!). I liked the ending - satisfying enough, since I wasn't bothering to think ahead and discover the murderer for myself. Many of the shots were wonderfully fun, like the suspenseful scene between J.B. and Dr. Brulov (to the doctor! back to the razor! to the kitchen! to the razor! to the doctor! to the RAZOR!!) and its culmination which drowns the viewer in a glass of milk. Honestly that was my favorite shot in the entire movie, going "Are we going to --? Yes we are! Drowned in a glass of milk!" I was expecting something like "Oh dear, the whiteness of the milk crowding his vision is going to make him crazy," and that was probably what I was meant to think, but that's what makes it so clever.

Summary: I liked this movie a good deal. There wasn't fantastic chemistry, no really great dialogue worth remembering*, the story was eh (others can explain the silliness of the old psychoanalytic school), and I may not watch it again anytime soon - but for a first-time, one-time view movie, it was engaging and excellent fun.

*except -

Ballantine: "Will you love me this much when I'm 'normal'?"

Petersen: "I'll be insane about you."

Stars: 3.5 of 5

#8: An Affair to Remember

Starring: Cary Grant, Deborah Kerr

Dir: Leo McKarey (1957)

And here I was thinking that Sleepless in Seattle could ruin this classic love story for me! So maybe I knew how it was going to end, but still - you can't overestimate the awesomeness of this story. Similar to my recent newfound appreciation for Joel McCrea, this movie made Deborah Kerr work for me. (It's difficult to like any woman who gets with Yul Brynner right in front of you.) And Cary Grant - well, there was never any trouble with him. Lord Almighty.

Bad: I wish I could say nothing, but I am bound to honesty. I was not a fan of either rendition of "Tomorrow-Land," and the whole children's chorus thing got way too much play. Maybe I am also a little tired of the "Let's Consult the Sharp-Eyed Old Lady Full of Wisdom and Matchmaking Inclinations" movie cliche, but that was only one scene (albeit an important one) in the midst of an epically wonderful movie that I otherwise loved every moment of.

Good: The chemistry. The way they met. The brief scene where she's leaving the dining hall just as he goes in, so she tells him to try the bouillabaisse and he just says "Oh, shut up." I loved all the sentimentality, the title song, their stubbornness, and how easy it was to turn Nick from a devil-may-care playboy into a deeply feeling and goodhearted potential husband. I loved how Terry was always able to laugh at herself. I loved how you didn't feel bad for her jilted ex because he was incredibly attractive in his own right and would probably end up happy with someone else. I just loved it.

Summary: An excellent movie for when you're feeling unapologetically romantic, or any time you want to feel the heartache without suffering the unhappy ending.

Stars: 5 of 5

#7: The More the Merrier

Starring: Jean Arthur, Joel McCrea, Charles Coburn

Dir: George Stevens (1943)

FINALLY. Kat has been yammering about this movie for as long as I can remember and I know I've never had a good enough reason for letting it go unseen, but the curse is lifted at last!, as is my lifelong apathy towards Joel McCrea. Forgive me for letting it get this far.

Bad: Despite the many endearing characters he's played, Charles Coburn has always looked like a creepy little pig to me. I found that distracting for the first half of the movie, but then JM came in to shine and I had more important things to think about.

Good: My conversion to the Cult of Joel McCrea Love can be pinpointed to the moment that he started snarking at Charles Coburn. I love a snarky man, especially one who can do a little shimmy-one-two-step when he likes. Not to be neglected is the lovely Jean Arthur, who is one of the only leading ladies I've ever seen (besides Deanna Durbin) who has a booty! Her dancing alone in her bedroom was one of my favorite movie moments.

Summary: It was adorable. It was funny, clever, full of banter and some of the best screen chemistry of all time. Plus, any movie with a scene like this deserves credit for something:

I rest my case.

Stars: 4.5 of 5